“So who can tell us what happened to our patient here?”

Cinderella just asked a question and Batman seems to know the answer but Superman speaks up before he can. I have to shake my head to try to clear the fogginess. I can’t remember where I am and why are these lights so bright?

Cruelly, my mind hurries to rehash the events of the day and quickly bring me back up to speed. Loud Sirens…stern faced police officers…sombre yet detached Doctors…hysterics! It all comes rushing back to me. That’s not Cinderella, that’s the Attending and the super heroes are the residents. It’s not a happy dream, this is real life and it’s halloween day and we are still in the hospital.

Its a teaching hospital. Students and teacher are making their rounds and my beloved is their current subject. I want to shoo everyone away but I manage to stop myself. I am not fond of us being observed like we are part of a Safari, but I let them. It wouldn’t do to start displaying here.

Carlton Court, Down Street.

Reach for it…

Reach for it….There! Got it! The people here at Carlton Court…my people! They never let me down. I am always met with platters of sandwiches, biscuits, chocolates and a big bowl of fruits. It is, infact, this very platter that has nearly caused me to fall off my perch. I moved far away from it and went to sit out of arm’s length because I had already eaten so much of it that shame had overcome me, it turns out my arm was far lengthier than my initial calculations and I am finally down to the last vestiges of the treats, along with my dignity.

Umm, if you lick your keyboard to remove the chocolate smudges you left there, does this make you a bad person? #askingforafriend.

So, there I was sitting in bed, chocolate smudged laptop in hand, reading Bella Naija and minding other people’s business for them, when I heard a voice from tha Lord-a! (*Think T.D. Jakes…). The TV was turned away from me, but I knew his voice. I would recognise that voice ANY-WHYAR! He, the leader of the insane, he of the endless energy and bountiful abs, he, near-killer of Ewemade.

Quick segue way…The way Shaun-T and I met

So that is how, one time, I decided I wanted to loose weight (Isn’t that, ‘all the time?’). I heard of a programme for the mentally ill called ‘insanity workout’ and me too, I went and got it to try to use as exercise. (After all…we are all mad here) Hm! I don’t know who here has tried this Insanity of a thing, but you know the beginning? The warm up part? That’s it oh! Thats where I reached.

I saw it. I saw my life flash before my eyes.

As I was there trying to unfold myself from a most unfortunate squat attempt, I thought to myself, if I perish here now, how will my family explain it? When they put up my picture on their blackberry profile pix…what will they write under? Brave girl, died from terminal exercise failure? Or what?


It was when my UPS started shouting at me because of no light, that I realised I’d fallen asleep when I said I will quickly lie down to drink water…

I used the wisdom God gave me to know it was time to let go of insanity, after a most respectable thirteen minutes of trying.

Back to Carlton Court

Anyway, that near death experience really brought Shaun T and I together…you know, as personal friends. He is now a close family friend. As a matter of fact, I call him ‘Big Sean’ (why do I feel like that is someone else’s name…)

This is, of course why I immediately jump to my feet when I hear his voice (with tens and tens of sweet wrappers, cupcake wrappers and the honoured remains of my Texas BBQ dominos pizza crust falling off my skirt to the floor) and run (read light…light trot) to the TV, so I can see what he is advertising.

If you can remember, I had insisted I wanted to be Beyonce for my wedding, not a pound more, nor a fraction less. Shaun T is now here telling me I can look like her if I just work out for 25 minutes a day!? *lick bbq sauce off finger, increase volume*. Could this be?

By the time the telemarketing is halfway done, I have acquired my entire T25 kit and all I have to do is wait now for my goods to arrive. So it is with this same resolve that I eat the last slice of my pizza…

  1. I ate the large size all…by…myself
  2. Eating the last slice is the same as throwing it away…right?
  3. Its not even your business anyway…#onlyGodcanjudgeme

So, sha, once I sleep my pizza off. I step back out of my residence and into the glorious cold. I am going to buy myself shoes and beads and fabric and swarovski stones to make, what I believe, is going to be an EPIC wedding dress…I can NOT wait. The only thing I enjoy more than earning money, is spending someone else’s…and eeeeeveryone knows its tradition for the husband to buy the bride’s wardrobe. Can you hear it? Can you hear P-Square playing “chop my money” inside your head too?

Hum…Whistle….off I go to shop. Its a tough job…but someone’s got to do it.

As I drift reluctantly back to my reality, I notice that the room has become quiet again. The silence is interrupted every now and then by the haunting beeping sounds from the monitors. It is Halloween day. We were going to be Kim Kardashian and Kanye West. If it wasn’t so awful, it would be funny how far away we are from where we thought we’d be at this time today.


It is now almost unnoticeable in my head. The beeps have become part of my day, a part of my life, another thing to commit to memory. I can feel my head hurt from the effort it is taking not to just break down and cry.

And suddenly I hear it. So small, almost imperceptible…or did I imagine it? And then I hear it again.  Its a low moan!

I rush to the bedside, the unbelievable has happened, what we’ve waited all day for: a smile! Its tired and little, but its there! In that moment, nothing can stop the tears. God has remembered me today. I know everything will be alright. I know it will.


Outfit was worn to my OC “the disappearing act” Ukeje’s Wedding. Aka Pastor OC. Aka Fine boy OC.

Earrings: Accessories

Jacket and Skirt: Shakara Couture

Pinko Belt: Also another unknowing gift from Sure 😀

Guiseppe Zanotti Shoes: Gift from Sure (he is not aware of this gift he gave me, as I mostly gave myself on his behalf)

BCBG Bracelet: Eru Iyawo

Bangle: other stories

Photography: Asanwa

P.s All the art pictured is actually for sale…contact us at if you are interested 🙂


Matilda's Child


  1. Nice write up. I think its high time we added ‘mother’ to our profile so that BY will not vex o

  2. Lol on insanity. I pushed through week one and by week two I was limping and asking myself if I was actually insane. My answer was no.
    Congrats on your cute baby. Always a lovely read. Missed your posts

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