Ummmmm….so yah. I can’t lie. I am over my wedding. I have tried to share the experiences but I am kind of like, no longer interested like that. What I will do, is write about it whenever there is something to share that relates to the topic I am writing on but I am past it. I will do a quick rundown of some stuff and the outfit details and then leave the rest for Jesus or the day I feel like talking about it.

But first…
Hm! That is how the other Sunday, I finally understood the TRUE meaning of a mother’s love. I mean the real deal!

So, it appears I am the only new mom in Nigeria that still does not have domestic staff…in fact, let me even tell you about that one self.

While I was pregnant, everyone was so worried about me doing everything by myself and managing the house alone that the pressure to get help finally overwhelmed me and I got my first housekeeper ( I HATE ‘house girl’. I just HATE that term. So I say nanny or house keeper or helper). Anyway, she seemed perfect. She was sweet and young and had an easy smile. But it was still day one.

So that is how she came and started living with me. See, the thing is I have lived alone for a LONG time and the only person whose habits I have been able to put up with so far are Sure’s (if it isn’t love…) everyone else has expiry date. So I had to struggle with having this girl around, but I thought I was doing okay-ish. I didn’t LOVE her (or anyone) being in the house but I needed help so I was trying to give things a chance.

But then, one day, I noticed that some of my stuff was missing. And then more stuff went missing. And then more. It turned out that in less than two weeks this baby girl had cleaned me out. Like it wasn’t bad enough that she used to just suddenly get up and go outside the house to break into extra loud song and hearty dance in the compound for absolutely no reason and at the oddest times ( I mean dance oh! With sweat and choreography). Anyway, she stole from us, so we parted ways.

Next! Housekeeper 2 comes along. She was slightly older and a lot more sombre. She had very hopeful eyes, like a child and a long graceful neck…like a gazelle. I liked her instantly but she could not speak a word of english and I could not speak a word of her version of Yoruba. Apparently, my Yoruba is really just english spoken with a Yoruba accent…who knew?

Anyway, with sign language and many vigorous gestures, we were able to communicate and co-exist quite happily. All was well with the world. Untilll…..

One day oh! I drove out of the house and so this lady thought, since it was a Sunday, I had gone off to Church and my usual sunday-sunday family visits which usually take all day but alas! I had only just gone to buy fried yam and roasted corn with ube from the woman down the road (this was my pregnancy craving).

Upon my return to the house about twenty minutes later, I asked the guard to call her from her quarters and he said she just strolled out. Anyway, she “strolled” for eight hours! Just like that. No discussion with me and no phone to reach her on! When she came home she met me half out of my mind with worry. Worry that quickly turned to anger when I saw her walk in, cool as a cucumber. She apologised profusely for her behaviour and started cleaning the house. Then suddenly, after about an hour and a half of being perfectly normal, she burst into deep, loud, uncontrollable sobs.

There is no begging I did not beg this lady to tell me what was wrong with her. But no, she just kept crying. So I said to her that perhaps her agent should come and take her home. She said she didn’t want to leave but her agent came and she left. She tried to come back but I didn’t have the energy for all that. So that ended there.

Finally, one third lady came. She was a whole other kettle of fish. From her first day, she looked sullen almost to the point of being rude. You know when someone looks at you in a certain tone of voice…

So, unlike the others, I felt myself disliking her immediately and I didn’t want her to stay. But Seun.Q convinced me to keep her on and try to see whether she just needed to acclimatise. It turns out Seun was right, she was not sullen, she was just new.

It’s just….sigh. Once she became comfortable, she was so comfortable that one night I noticed her slipping out around ten p.m, dressed in outing clothes. I didn’t mention anything to her that night but I started to watch her more closely. She would sneak out at least three to four times a week, all dolled up, at around ten p.m and would come back at past midnight.

Suffice it to say, I was over it (just like my wedding). As a result I don’t have any nanny for YB.

Sooooooo…on Sunday now, we were in Church and because of my lack of a nanny, I have to use my baby’s stroller to get her and all our stuff around conveniently. As a result, I have to use the lift to get up to the nursing rooms in Church and back to my car when service is done and we are ready to go home. It’s all a very neat arrangement.

So service was over, we had waited the traffic out and we were now leaving Church after an inspired message and there I was, on the lift, minding my business along with a few other people’s businesses and burning with the fire of the Lord until the lift door slid open. Hm!

Oghale who was with us (don’t you absolutely love how I just mention the names of people in my life and expect you to know who I am talking about? :D) now walked out ahead of YB and I, not even noticing the threat to my life and limb that had positioned itself in my way. Right there at the edge of the door was a lizard *UGH* a lady lizard.

So, naturally, I started pointing and shuddering and whimpering (all VERY productive reactions) and shifting from foot to foot, trying to communicate to Oghale with the use of a pointed finger, the terror that lay nearby. As I was still trying to express myself, the lizard and I made eye contact, she now started doing push ups. You know, taunting me. This, of course, made me shift from foot to foot even faster…a turbo foot shift, some may say. I couldn’t leave the lift, I was now effectively imprisoned.

Then it happened.

The lizard turned to face us and she ran into the lift. INTO IT!!! With us still there. This was not a small lizard oh! She was a grown woman, at least a mother of three or four. I fled for my life. Honestly, I thought I would collapse.

But the real story here is MUCH to my pride as a mother, I did not leave my child in that lift. If you had asked me before this time what I would have done, I would have said I would run out and then beg someone to help me go and bring her. But no! I stopped to get her and pushed her stroller at top speed out of that lift and then when we were at a safe distance, I proceeded to hop about on one foot and scratch my body because the memory of that lizard was just…itchy! Even now, writing about this has been so traumatic for me. But this is what I do, I face the fire and bring back the news to you. #Journalism #Ewemanpour

You are welcome.

Wow…would you look at the time!?! I guess my wedding rundown will be some other day. Sleep well and go to Church today and please pray for me that God can cure me of the trauma I suffered so…someday…somehow, I may go to Church once more.

Nightie night.
Entire outfit: old navy

Top: Divided
Skirt: Shakara Couture
Brooch: Accessorize
Miu Miu Glasses: Sure
Shoes: Aminah Abdul Jillil
Purse: Topshop
Wig: Uju’s wig, delivered to my house, newly made for her. I decided since it was in my house, I therefore own it. So I wore it.
Photography: Ola-the-shadow

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Matilda's Child


  1. “my Yoruba is really just english spoken with a Yoruba accent “… that was hilarious!!!

  2. Lol. Well done Ewemade. Very well written and very funny too. You look very well and so does your baby. God bless her. Thanks for making me smile this morning.

  3. Hi Ewemade ,

    This was bursting at the seams with humour and wit as usual. 😀

    Ah! The drama that sometimes comes with house helps/nannies. My friend once told me her SIL hired and fired twelve in less than a year. It’s a big decision letting a complete stranger into one’s home, but sometimes the assistance can be a lifesaver.

    YB and mummy look very lovely.

    PS: @ Ewemade’s Toned Midriff,
    I see you peeking shyly through that crop top, looking 50 shades of awesome. Thank you for reminding me to embrace the pain that camouflages as sit – ups.

    • That is ehn! This nanny issue. I can see that. I can see myself with one month, one nanny. I know people who have gone through more sef. Some of us just give up.

      Thank you so much. You write so well 😀

  4. Sigh. I laughed and laughed. Bayte it’s not funny tho. Deeply traumatized. So glad it was you. Not me.

    • Wish it had been you though. But now I know. I love this lady. With all my heart.

  5. LMAO! Your take on everyday life brings a smile to my face. This should be a tv series, “the chronicles of…..”

  6. Was trying to imagine your English in Yoruba accent. Lol @Ewemanpour. Some of us know the names you drop and those we don’t we become accustomed to through your writing.
    Hilarious post as always.
    You are surely a superwoman coping with motherhood, managing a house and work and still look effortlessly chic.

    • Awwwww thank you SO much Bisola. Thank you for your words of encouragement and for staying with me and reading all this time. God bless you

  7. Died at you wearing Ujus wig
    Congrats on everything; career, marriage, baby.
    Your blog is so lovely and so funny. Well done x

    • Yayyyy! Thank you Adaku. It’s very kind of you to say. Please stop by more often. Kisses!

  8. Ewemanpour!

    Great stories as always! All the best with help in your home, Jesus is all the help you need need sha but still, I pray He sends a worthy helper your way that fits in like a glove.

    As for the lizard, see as you just threw away the opportunity of ‘s life-long and let round beautiful relationship. Eku ishe o.

    God’s blessings upon your family!

    • …of a* life-long…

      Lest I forget the purpose of this post, it’s adorable that your head space is occupied by the welfare of another. You love your nephews crazy, I can only imagine what YB is experiencing #MaxLove

      And yes, I noticed your belly! Well done nne, abs with ridges oshey. Lol. Cheers ‘Made! x

    • Life long?????? Life long!?! Chiwunma, let us not fight oh! LOL! thank you SO much boo. Sending hugs and more hugs your way, amazing Chiwi. God bless you!

  9. This is the 2nd post of yours am reading nice one. Your sense of humour is so on point. Mother of 2 girls under the age of 3, never had a house keeper (your term), kai its not easy oooh. I won’t mind someone coming into clean a few days in a week, but these your stories eeeehn I think I will continue to manage. I kent shout 🙂

    • Kai! WELL DONE! It is NOT easy oh! Two! Wow. God is your strength oh. Me too oh, I kent shout. No need to tear cloth on the road please.

      Thank you so much for reading. God bless!

  10. Witty in speech and in writing…….looking for an editor in chief job? Will certainly attempt to catch up with Matilda’s child now and again. The nanny / house help thing is really a case of can’t live with them can’t live without them! Regards to YB….

    • Baaaaaabs!!!!!! High praise indeed, coming from you. Oh yes please! Editor in Chief job please! *hand raised HIGH* Lol! I am doing without oh…barely..but I am living without them. Thank you for stopping by. I will keep looking out for you

  11. your blog is my little secret. I love your humour and dress sense. see the way I ran here when I saw your IG post #readmathildaschild. please don’t stop writing!

    • Awwwww!!!! Thank you SO much. Yay! Please keep reading and keep coming back!

    • Yay! I’m glad you enjoyed it. Thank you very much for reading.

    • Haha and I want to write oh. But also, I want to do everything. Lol! Thank you Oye. God bless!!!

  12. Aaawwww you make me fall in love and tell myself you are my best friend from heaven. Bless your heart, all the kisses and love to your lil miss gorgeous. I don’t have help too…my daughter is almost 3 now and I work full time so this morning I succumbed and reached out to nanny academy fingers crossed if I can go through with it. Your blog is real, encouraging, witty and down to earth. God bless, please go to church again and crush the heel of the lizard warriormum

    • Hahahahaha! But we are best friends. See me next to you now!

      Thank you SO much. Thank you for reading and leaving these kind words for me. God bless you Foluke. Thank you!

  13. Ewemade you are absolutely hilarious. Apparently I too speak Yoruba that is English with an almost-Yoruba accent. My Bini sis-in-law was just alughing at my Yoruba. hmph. I can survive in Ondo sha (well, certain parts)

    Anyway, you are a fantastic mother – saving your child from the lizard and all. I hope you recover soon 🙂

    • I am trying so hard to recover. It really traumatised me oh!

      All the best with your Yoruba. People laugh at me all the time too :(. Oh well! Thank you SO much for reading. God bless!!

    • Hee Hee! I like that! Eye candy! Whoop! I use too many exclamation marks abi? Sigh. Thank you so much for writing. I am so glad you liked my story. I hope you come back again and again. Have a wonderful evening! See? There I go exclaiming again.

  14. I have a pathological fear for lizards!

    Reading about them, seeing them, watching them, is so uncomfortable for me. I run away (literally) from them should our paths ever cross. As a teenager, I remember wanting to leave the house and these two creatures were fighting at the gate, refused to stop fighting or leave the gate. I cried and begged someone to help me drive them away. I’m cringing as a type this. I have had several more run-ins with them. Scarred for life.

    You did a very noble thing by remembering to get your daughter. I’m not sure I would have. Someone else will have to help me.

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